Silent Jealousy
by AmzyD
Summary: "I wanted to have with him what he had with her; I wanted to be able to run after him in corridors and pour pumpkin juice over his head for a joke and steal his wand and turn his hair green and dare him to eat his cereal with a fork." Lily/James James/OC


**_Written for the There's somebody else challenge._**

**A/N: I'm back! I am just so grateful for holidays right now, college is killer so sorry for not posting anything for a while :( Hope you enjoy this longer than usual (for me) oneshot.**

"Tiffany, of course you can go out with James Potter, in fact why are you even asking me? I can't stand the guy!"

I guess I should have foretold the answer that Lily Evans was going to give me when I asked her if I could go out with James Potter. Every student in Hogwarts knows about the Lily and James scandal; the fact that he asked her out once a week every week in fourth year and at _least_ once a day every day in fifth year.

As sixth year spun around, James had noticeably calmed his advances. He was no longer the harassing tyrant that he was before and rumour has it that he hasn't asked her out once this year.

That brought me to my predicament. I'm in Hufflepuff, so I don't know Lily very well, but James and I have been getting incredibly close the past few weeks, and I wanted to make sure there was _no _drama in case things worked out between him and I.

So of course, Lily Evans assured me with a critical look that she and James were history, and heaven knows he needs somebody else to leech on anyway.

I'm sure she didn't mean to be quite so offensive.

* * *

It was in Potions that James asked me out. He casually strolled by Slughorn as the class were getting into their seats and he came by my table.

"Tiff!" he greeted me happily, messing up my hair as my insides melted at his touch, "fancy going Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?"

It was about then when my heart stopped. I felt a blush creep steadily up my cheeks as I nodded in an attempt to look suave. He grinned and gave me the thumbs up before taking a seat in his place.

My eyes found a spot in the distance and I sighed, a smile embracing my face; finally.

It was then that the red hair and piercing green eyes caught my attention. Lily Evans, who at the desk in front of me, was turned in her chair and staring directly at me, unabashedly, a strange look on her face.

I blushed deeper, avoided her gaze.

* * *

Four months later, I was still in a relationship with James. It was the nearing the end of the school year, and I dreaded the long summer without him.

It was one warm dusky day when James and I were sitting side by side, him staring into the lake and me staring into the skies above us. A sign that even then, we were headed in different directions.

"James?" I ask him, sighing in hesitation, "you don't have any feelings for...her ...anymore do you?"

James fixed me with a surprised looking glower. This was the first time we've ever spoken about Lily, after all. Nothing had spurred this on, except my harbouring curiosity.

"I got over Lily ages ago," he told me, his eyes turning to the water again, "don't be silly Tiff."

I smile sadly, "then how did you know I was talking about her?" I asked, surprisingly calm.

James froze and looked at me guiltily, "who else would you be talking about?" he snapped, his tone angry towards me for the first time ever.

Maybe it's because I'm weak, or too kind or just too Hufflepuff, but I placed my arm around his side and rested my head on his tense shoulder.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I know."

The harbour of curiosity was not satisfied.

* * *

Amazingly, James and I lasted through the summer into seventh year and argument free too. My elation couldn't be any more obvious as we spent time together in the summer; a summer so far away from the woes of Hogwarts, so far away from Lily Evans.

My happiness was short-lived, as James had become Head Boy. And Head Girl to his Head Boy was none other than Lily Evans.

James began spending time with her. _A lot _of time with her. Miraculously, somewhere down the line, they had kindled a friendship, and they often waltzed around the castle together, her laugh only rivalled by his.

Don't get me wrong, James was still an amazing boyfriend to me, he still spent plenty of time with me, he still took strolls with me and accompanied me to Hogsmeade and walked me back to my dorm every night.

Maybe jealousy was clouding my judgement, but I didn't want that.

I didn't want strolls or slow walks or sitting stationary with him. I wanted to have with him what he had with her; I wanted to be able to run after him in corridors and pour pumpkin juice over his head for a joke and steal his wand and turn his hair green and dare him to eat his cereal with a fork. All things _they _had done, by the way.

I could not bring myself to be jealous of Lily, she was never spiteful, she always called me over and tried to engage me in their antics, she did her best to include me in their little charade. But it didn't sit right with me. I was jealous, so desperately jealous, of something which they had. A chemistry that they themselves didn't even know about. How could I rightly blame either of them for that?

There was passion when they played their games, there were sparks as they had a little argument, as he joked about her freckles and she moaned about his messy hair.

The jealousy bubbled away inside me.

* * *

It was a few months into seventh year when things escalated.

Until a certain point, things were staying roughly the same. I had learnt to cast my jealousy to a side in order to cling onto my relationship with all my heart. Until a certain point.

I noticed the way he looked at her. Obviously, he had always looked at her with more affection than normal. But he had started to really _look _at her.

We were cuddling once on the sofa in the Gryffindor Common Room when she came downstairs. She looked angry, positively fierce and for once her livid gaze was not directed at James, but at his partner in crime, Sirius (he had stolen her Potions book earlier on, I realised).

It was as she was heading over to Sirius, her eyes bright with anger, that I glanced up to James, naturally wanting to exchange a look with him about Sirius' antics.

But his eyes were otherwise occupied, I saw them linger on her angry body for many moments, and this wasn't just a normal look. It was _a real look. _His eyes travelled her body, his gaze shifting up and down. My heart thumped in my throat as I froze, my stomach clenching painfully in the moment.

To my further horror, I saw his chest moving up and down fast all of a sudden; his breathing hitched. Not being able to take it anymore, I bit back my sorrow and blinked back my tears, poking him in the side.

He smiled down at me and sadly, almost guiltily, leaned over and buried his head in my chest, letting out a muffled groan of frustration.

My entire body felt numb. I didn't have to question his frustration.

* * *

It is exactly a week and two days later that it happened.

James approached me sullenly and asked me if I'd join him at the lake. My stomach tightened as we made our way there, walking side by side, close yet further away than ever.

I knew what was coming.

"Tiff," James began, sighing shakily, "I feel like the past few weeks, you just...you haven't been connected with this."

I froze, startled, my eyebrows raised. For once, anger ripped through me.

"It's entirely my fault!" he added hastily at my shock, placating my anger.

"James, I know you're going to break up with me because of her. I've known it all along," I am surprised that my voice does not break along with my heart as I finally say the words out loud.

Unlike the last time this happened; there is no surprised, no shock, no guilt, no anger, no justifying. His shoulders sag and he lowers his head, ashamed.

"You two..." I started, paining to get it out, "you two are meant for each other, and it would be unfair to get in the way."

James looked at me in the eye, and in him I see a pain that he must have seen reflected back in me.

"Why aren't you angry, Tiff?" he asked, his voice weak, "please get angry, shout, cry, anything...let me feel bad!"

He was pleading now, he longed for closure, for me to get mad so he can feel bad and apologise and I can forgive him and he can be free of the guilt that is taking over him.

"It's okay James, I forgive you," I said gently, touching his shoulder. I had released him of the guilt with those words and he was grateful for it, I saw in his eyes.

"Thank you," he said shakily, still sitting as I stood up and began to walk away.

Each step I took led me further away from him, and with each step was released a feeling which had been burdening me from months.

I loved James Potter and recovering would be hard, but each step gave me freedom and freedom gave me the means to get over him.

**End**.

**Reviews really appreciated :) x**


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